The "Cannibal Cop" Is Out Of Prison And Drowning In Date Offers - Mailtime

Click here to subscribe iTunes

Mirror – Women are lining up for a piece of “Cannibal Cop” Gilberto Valle, who claims he has been met with a series of offers since getting out of jail. The ex-cop from New York was jailed in 2012 for plotting to cook and eat his ex-wife before a judge overturned the decision, leaving him to walk free. And according to the New York Post Valle, who has flesh eating fantasies, has been receiving female attention from fans on social media. He said his admirers would initially reach out to congratulate him on getting out of jail, before he would pluck the courage to ask them out on dates.

Well this is it for chicks. I can no longer, in good conscience, ever take them seriously. Obviously I’m generalizing, but it doesnt matter. The fact that there’s even 50 chicks out there who want to fuck a dude who openly plotted to COOK AND EAT the last girl he was with is fucking insanity. I mean we’ve seen it before. Charles Manson has a wife for fucks sake. But there’s something about swooning to a guy who probably, most likely, wants to put you on a spit and roast you like a pig, that I just cant respect. Its only a handful of women. Its about 50 out of approximately 3.5 billion. But lets say I show you a bowl of 2.5 billion Skittles:

and 50 of them want to fuck a cannibal…well then I’m just not gonna respect that entire bowl of Skittles. In this case a few bad seeds are ruining it for all the other chicks. You know, all the regular girls who want just a little bit of disrespect and neglectful treatment. They all get thrown out with the Cannibal Fuckers.

Sorry girls. This is why we’ll never take you serious. And its also why the “Nice guys finish last” phrase is true. Because you are too busy banging guys that want to skin you alive instead of maybe give the friendly guy with a steady job a shot.

Also today on Mailtime – we talk about how I almost died at a gun range in South Carolina, Brad Pitt being set free like Sean Connery from the Rock, an update from the Raw Hot Dog Guy from last week’s episode, we nominate the Chelsea Bomber as a potential Mailman of the Year, go All Around The World with these topics:

And some Science Says regarding some very important news about The Five Second Rule.

Get your spicy mustard out, plug in juice up.